Before

I used to:

• have a spreadsheet with all the clothes we had by size so I knew what we needed, now I just look in the bin and smile or groan
• oil the wooden spoons, now I just huck them in the dishwasher and say a little prayer
• clean the toaster oven, now we just toast marshmallows over the coals
• have our checkbook balanced to the penny, now I keep a mental tally and lie awake at night knowing I need to have a budget
• regularly disinfect all the toys, now I let the kids just lick them off
• clean poopy underwear—now they just get tossed
• clean poopy bath toys—see above
• dust more than once a year
• be able to suck in my tummy
• think dandelions were cute
• make sure socks matched, now the kids and I look like we’re all ahead of the fashion curve
• think breakfast for dinner was ludicrous, now I’d practically beg my kids to take a bowl of cereal and call it good
• think my child would never bite or hit, but have the battle scars to prove otherwise
• think grocery shopping was fun
• have no bags under my eyes
• carry a diaper bag, now I just carry two diapers and hope for the best
• think poop, pee and puke were unmentionables, but now they are practically uttered three times an hour
• think my life was full, but now when I breathe in my husband and four children, I know nothing could ever make my life more crazy, fulfilling and adorable than these five souls who teach me so much.

For reals, next week I’ll write about my new Enemy Numero Uno.